Today was a day of understanding. Of understanding what the young children and dreamers of tomorrow are and the understanding the young man and dreamer of myself continue to evolve.
This past week has been ridiculously difficult, what with personal problems as well as a fight to keep the passion for Stand up for Hope growing. These past 2 Wednesdays have been lessons in what the street really is like. The street is unforgiving, unloving and unremorseful in it’s actions. While handing out clothing to the kids, from the backseat of my car, someone stole my cell phone. How uncaring and ungrateful would have been the first reaction to this! Here am I helping and clothing these kids and the best they can do is take my cell phone. (I do want to point out tho that it was not one of my kids who stole it – it was someone taking a chance as he walked around the car.) Outrageous! Uncaring! I should have been more aware, probably meen been more dilligent in watching the car interior, but what I will chalk this up to is a street lesson. Be more organised in the giving out of gifts. In a very finite way, the rush of many hands clamouring at the door of my car felt like the scenes shown on television of Aid agencies brining in greatly needed food and how people would just converge on the poor workers and grab what they could. After some of my kids, or should I say God’s kids ran after the thief and in a story left for another blog lost him, I felt a slight part of a family with them. That they would run 4 to 6 blocks in Mevlille; for me. Later as we spoke, they were concerned that I would not come back the following week due to the theft but all in me knew I could not blame them, I should not and my heart would not let me stop what God had placed in front of me, in front of you to continue. To run the race, and continue it until our mandate has been moved to another area. In the beginning I was angry, slightly hurt, but after a short time I found laughter in me and on my drive home after blocking my phone, I had some kind of joy that one should not have in this experience. A joy that suprasses any understanding. I knew it was a joy and laughter in the face of it all could come only from my God.
This is not an anamalistic, prehistoric act of people but one of need that sometimes cannot be contained to a raging mix of endorphines full of excitement and one of a pure drive of need. I cannot go up into Africa or even around the corner into Johannesburg itself without learning this basic understanding of how the streets work. I am not in charge of the street and the kids I work with even tho in a misguided pride I feel I do. We have to realise that number one, we are not in total control of anything in our lives and number two, even purely passionate actions still do not instantly change the area where we are hoping it will. I.e. the streets around us. These streets are a moving, mecurial animal that lives as an entity to itself. No human has control over it, no street kid no matter what owership and dependence they have on the animal known as the street, no police who unashamedly use unprovoked inhumane beatings against these children…no-one on this earth has control over what is happening on the streets people like myself try and control. This is not a negative look at the work we as Stand up for hope are doing; this is merely just an understanding of what little we really do have of the streets and people around as have. And this is good because we can go in with a different and more realistic view of the people we are reaching out to.
Then today, I really felt such a block in keeping my passion going for this organisation. I questioned my heart immediately, and even tho I really did not want to go out today meeting with the kids and adults, I knew inside I did. Even if I had to force myself into doing it. Getting a friendly outward view from a friend assisted in my heart to change, and to also realise that I am human even tho I felt I was immortal surrounding this ministry. Becoming aware of one’s humanity in a humanitarian organisation is humbling but also rewarding because you know that you are not the one made to save the world, let alone the area around you and the problems it may have. I am here to give what I can to these beautiful children and that is it – I am called to love, feed, care and to listen. That is it. Not to save. That is God’s job, and as Thabo, one of the kids said, God is in him and with Him he knows that he is protected and understood.
So yes, your giving and love for these kids and adults is so needed but must be given in an understanding that your gift will definitely change lives and give hope but that the answer to what we have helped give, is not in us but in God who already knows the answer and in ways I know He will tell them. But please also realise that we are in such an exciting place right now in helping, growing, and listening to these kid’s goals and dreams to move off the street and listen to them until the sun sets and the flashing lights of the cars pass on by. We are in such an exciting time, a time to guide and love young people towards a future that they desire and need. We are God’s hands and feet to the unloved, to the ones that others will pass by and forget in a fleeting moment. We are called to be His feet, to embrace the dust of where He walked in and to let it fall softly around us as we give our time and gifts to these that He loved before we even did.
And in this comes the understanding that we are living in the meaning of why we were made.
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