SuperGod in the house

I am not SuperGod. I am not even God. Amazingly I realised this and did not have an instant breakdown with this realisation! I say all of this because I am struggling to "dis-associate" myself from what is happening on the streets. That what happens on the streets, does not totally come home with me....that sounds ironic. But true. Lately I have been struggling, finding it hard not to take on frustration, pain, anger, for what is happening with the past days of rain. Solid rain, drenching, seeping into every part where it hits outside. Even my car with my half broken into door. When it rains, I struggle not to feel a heaviness for the kids that I know are out on the kids with damp clothes, wet plastic bags covering them, not many places to cover or keep them warm. I cannot shake it, I cannot put it into the back of my mind and deal with it when I go back onto the streets. I know I need to separate my times on the streets to "normality" or whatever that is.

I am now realising the prayer you pray "God, break my heart for what breaks yours" actually does happen - obviously if we are praying for what God wants, but wow, the heart breaking is hard. But if this is not happening, then whatever work with people you are involved with will stay at one level. Waiting for the next level, the one where you do not have to fully understand what they are going through but to have them on your heart as God does.

My sister likes to cut up people...hold on, that sounds freakier than it seems. She is a surgeon, a really good one and someone who puts her whole heart and soul into the work she does. (This is really sounding weird!) She has had to learn how to put her work away every night she leaves the hospital, and jump into family time. She has shown me that you can still have the emotions for the work you are doing, but also the wisdom and understanding of leaving the hard parts behind. This does not mean she does not care for her patients. She just knows she is not SuperGod. To her kids she is SuperMom ;) but SuperGod is definitely not her role. When she realised ths, things became easier. For me, I have to realise this too. I am not SuperGod, even tho the idea sounds kinda cool but then again a bit too much to handle. Way too much!

Actually makes me think of Jim Carrey in "Bruce Almighty" compared to "Evan Almighty." Bruce plays God and ends up with a few million emails from people all over the world needing help from God, he changes the moon and tides and causes world wide weather devestation, compared to Bruce who realises that God is trying to get his attention to help with a specific task that God wants him to do and finally following the task and creates an ark etc...he lets everyone elses's views of him go so that he can see God's view. Bruce = God complextion + pride. Evan = God realisation + humility.

I have been acting sometimes on the "Bruce" actions, but with these mistakes come learning and knowing that I am not SuperGod. I want to be simply "Evan", and that sits perfectly with me.